Learning To Ask The Right Questions

Anyone who knows us well knows that we have a lot going on in our lives right now. Since this blog is public to all the "interwebs" I won't go into great detail. Sam and I are fine, and will continue to be fine, but much of what we are dealing with is very unplanned and often difficult. I wish I could say that we had just one event or situation to contend with, but unfortunately the past few months have turned out to be a really stormy season with no sign of letting up.

Sometimes I wish that God would just hand me a road map of how to navigate this season in my life. A list of easy directions, turns to take, places to avoid, and people to trust. A way to get out of the weather. But that's just not how life or God works. The more time I spend in the desert and valleys, the more I realize that its not easy and rarely comfortable but is as much of a place where God works as any.

I was watching the Today Show this morning and they had on the families of the two girls who's identities were confused after a horrible college van accident. This tragedy occurred a few years ago, but for several weeks one family nursed the other family's daughter unknowingly. After a substantial amount of time had passed, the two families found out that their daughter's identities had been confused. The family who thought their daughter had survived found out she was dead and the family who had buried their daughter found out she was alive. I cannot imagine the unbelievable pain for one family and the relief for the other.

Long story short, both families sat together and talked about how this event had (obviously) changed their lives. Both families discussed their deep faith in Christ and how He sustained them throughout the grief. The thing that struck me about this particular interview was something that the dad who found out his daughter had died said near the end their time. He said, (and I am paraphrasing here) 'Instead of asking why, I began to ask, why not me? Why not us?'

I think this grieving father's question is an important one, albeit amazing to hear from the mouth of a man suffering great loss. I don't believe that God showers down trials, hardships, or heartaches to punish us. I don't think God allowed me to be infertile to cause me pain. I don't think he was punishing this family by taking away their daughter. So if I take that one step further, then I have to ask, just like this father has, why not me? Why should I be off limits to suffering?

Going through hardships brings about a lot of questions. I don't believe asking why me is necessarily a bad question. Goodness knows I've asked it thousands of times. And I don't think processing through various other not so pretty emotions is wrong either. Been there as well. The God I serve is a BIG and can handle both my questions and emotions. But I think I am coming to see that it is not so much about not asking the wrong questions and learning to ask and focus on the right ones.

Why not me?
What will God teach me through this?
How can I seek God in the middle this storm?

Two Amazing Articles

I came across both of these articles today and found them both profound and insightful. Maybe it has something to do with today being Mother's Day and all but I wanted to pass them on.

The first is by Nia Vardolos, the actress and writer of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. She struggled with infertility for a long time and recently adopted a little girl with her husband from the foster care system. As I have struggled through my emotions surrounding this holiday, her words were like a salve to my soul helping me to remember that others have walked this path before me.

If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say...

The other article is from the New York Times a couple of days ago. It was written by a birth mother who placed their child through an open adoption 10 years ago. As we continue to wait and pray for our birth mother, it was a good reminder for myself and everyone that adoption is never a simple equation. But out of the pain, beautiful relationships, real life and the chance to love fully can emerge.

Open Adoption: Not So Simple Math

Both of these articles remind me of both the heartache and joy that accompany our infertility/adoption journey, no matter what step we are on, even when we don't know how our story ends.

So with that I wish you all (all three of you who read this...) a very happy Mother's Day.